Sharing the language of kink culture with young people provides them with valuable information about safe sex practices - such as the importance of establishing boundaries, safe words and signals, affirming the importance of planning and research and the need to seek and give enthusiastic consent. We don’t talk to our children enough about pursuing sex to fulfill carnal needs that delight and captivate us in the moment. Kink visibility is a reminder that any person can and should shamelessly explore what brings joy and excitement. Including kink in Pride opens space for families to have necessary and powerful conversations with young people about health, safety, consent, and - most uniquely - pleasure. I can’t think of a more relevant or important reminder for youth, who often struggle with feelings of isolation and confusion as they discover more about themselves and wrestle with concerns about whether they’re normal enough.
Queer people’s freedom to be themselves is, according to this logic, contingent on non-queer people’s freedom from exposure to it.Ĭhildren who witness kink culture are reassured that alternative experiences of sexuality and expression are valid - no matter who they become as they mature, helping them recognize that their personal experiences aren’t bad or wrong, and that they aren’t alone in their experiences. The middle-aged, White men who I grew up with said they were “fine” with gay people as long as they wouldn’t be subjected to PDA - as long as all signs of queer love could be outwardly erased.
It’s a sentiment that tolerates queerness only if it stays within parameters - offering the kind of acceptance that comes with a catch.
If this all sounds familiar, it’s because anti-kink rhetoric echoes the same socialized disgust people have projected onto other queer people when they claim that our love is not appropriate for public spaces. Co-opting the language of sexual autonomy only serves to bury that truth and muddies the seriousness of other conversations about consent. But kinksters at Pride are not engaged in sex acts - and we cannot confuse their self-expression with obscenity. The most outrageous claim is that innocent bystanders are forced to participate in kink simply by sharing space with the kink community, as if the presence of kink at Pride is a perverse exhibition that kinksters pursue for their own gratification. When my own children caught glimpses of kink culture, they got to see that the queer community encompasses so many more nontraditional ways of being, living, and loving.Īnti-kink advocates tend to manipulate language about safety and privacy by asserting that attendees are nonconsensually exposed to overt displays of sexuality. Instead, homogenizing self-expression at Pride will do more harm to our children than good. I agree that Pride should be a welcoming space for children and teens, but policing how others show up doesn’t protect or uplift young people. Thousands of users supported these posts, claiming that kink at Pride crosses a line because minors also attend events. That was pointedly the case this year when Twitter users argued that kink at Pride is a highly sexualized experience that children should be shielded from. Those hoping to oust kinksters often cite the presence of children as their top concern. Still, every year as Pride Month approaches, a debate erupts about whether kink belongs at Pride at all. The kink community has participated in Pride since its inception - risking their jobs and safety to be authentically themselves in public.